Sorry to anyone that took offense.

I made a profile on a singles website on the first of the year. Talked to a few girls that had some interests in common, nothing too serious. I met up with one girl for dinner/game that turned out pretty bad, that pushed me away from meeting anyone else in the future from that site. I logged on a few days after the date with all intentions of deleting my profile until I stumbled on a promising girl that seemed pretty interesting. I wrote her a message and we hit it off pretty well. A week later we met up for the clippers vs sacramento game, in the rain (embarrassed the fuck out of myself). We’ve seen eachother a bunch of times since then and I have to admit I am really enjoying time spent with her.

I like that we can spend time together doing almost nothing, discussing how we feel about things, experiencing new things together, or be content acting silly around eachother. I actually look forward to her sarcastic yet funny text messages.

I am really lonely. I have not dated in over 2 years, and have not had anything I would consider a meaningful, stimulating relationship in about as long. I posted on craigslist and received 2 responses from girls in the area. I met one of them, and things didn’t turn out well. The other I am somewhat indifferent about as of lately, so far I have only really talked to her through voice mails and text messages/AIM conversations. She seems to have a great personality, I am just afraid of meeting her.

I am talking to one of my ex’s, I have broken down and told her how much I miss her. The feelings are coming from thinking of times spent with her in the past, and that she seems to be the only one I feel comfortable talking to. She of course lives in Boston, and to the best of my knowledge has no plans of coming to LA even to visit. I could never ask her to move here, even if she wanted to. I am unsure of why I talk to her, because I know its just going to hurt me. Its going to make me think of her, and miss her. I don’t think I have attachment issues, just tired of being lonely and of course run to what I know.

I am also somewhat involved in talking with someone I’ve never met, that I will probably never meet, and probably considers me nothing more than someone to share conversation with. I share only a few things in common with her, and for awhile things seemed to be pleasant. It was nice, having conversations with her on the phone, sharing feelings, thoughts, and laughs. I think sometimes she takes the things I say to literally, and that will lead us to an argument or fight, when I notice it to be very childish she will become upset at me. I wonder at times if she just enjoys my attention and affection to her, and has no intentions of reciprocating. What is it I am looking for? Why do I thrive on relationships that I know will fall apart? It is almost that I set myself up for frustration and loneliness.

Things with work are the same as they have always been, steady paced and complacent.  Last night was the first night of Hanukkah 2007, which of course I slept through. I need to find an outlet for something, I need to meet new people. I wonder sometimes why I am so afraid of going out, meeting people. I am afraid that they will see me how I see myself lately.

To any TA members reading this: It was fun, don’t take yourselves too seriously.

Guy showed up with an Ice/NRG/Force w/ Aid Self, realized I was a Rad/Psi, whined a bit and went to get a different build. He grabbed the assault/tactics build so he could PB AIM + BU and fire off attacks through my rad/debuffs.

Here is the outcome of the match:

http://dave2k.org/~temp/ppdvspowerhour1.jpg
http://dave2k.org/~temp/ppdvspowerhour2.jpg

Don’t call me FoTM.

Warning: Video is 120MB

I fought a NRG/NRG/Cold Blaster in the arena last night, decided to fraps it. The results are what I was expecting.

The PVPEC event went down like this:

16 Players signed up for the 1v1 Tourney, I registered late and got a match against a poorly build BroadSword/Regen Scrapper. Easy for my rad/psy, I took him 5-0 in the 10 minute match. No inspirations burned. I advanced. 2nd Round I was pitted against an Energy Melee/ Energy Aura stalker, which normally should beat the snot out of me. The whole Energy Melee stuns and crap just hurts.. Well.. I wiped the floor with him too, 5-0 in a 10 minute match. Third match I was fighting another stalker, this time someone I had seen in zones alot, Energy Melee/Regeneration (2 click heals, 1 toggle heal, 1 activation healing), basically a n00b build, but powerful. His build had phase shift (intangible click) and his tactic was rush me off the start, got 2 kills that way within 30 seconds, and placate+phase if he got into trouble. This saved him 3 times, I had to pull my shit together in the match because I really fell apart. I let my inspirations that protected me from stuns run out, rather than keeping a cycle. I basically just played sloppy, and it showed. He beat me 5-0. I was under the impression that I was out of the ranking their and that it was an elimination round, I was wrong. This event was based on points, and I had 4 for the 2 other matches I had won.

My next match was against another Rad/Psy that had gone 2 matches won- and a draw, this was someone I normally would never talk to, let alone play with.. but had known he made a presence on the test server in Arena PVP.  He sent me a message before the match, saying that the two of us would be into the top rankings to advance for the invitational, all we had to do was draw our match. Basically telling me not to fight him, and just run around pretending to attack. At first, I thought ‘man, this is fucked up.’ But then I got to fearing fighting him, thinking I would lose.. So I went along with it. The whole time we both spammed our low damage attacks, almost working the same attack chain. And before I knew it, the match was over, draw. I exited the event just to find out that my team leader, a fellow TA member had pulled a draw on his match, leaving us at the same point scale, fighting for the 4th position on the invitational.

What was I to do? Do I fight someone I have a good chance at beating, to just go onto test and make an idiot of myself against the people that really came for PVP? I really don’t have the time to schedule fight matches. And I have a tendency to get angry when I’m not winning in the arena 1v1. So, I figured what the hell, I’ll throw this match too and not bring my A game. Afterall, I don’t want to make my team leader look bad if I do happen to beat him. I told him before the match to base up, which he didnt. He rushes me right off the bat and I burn him out of his whole inspiration tray. I get sloppy and stop watching my health (I have an uninterruptable heal that would have restored my health to nearly full) and let him take me down. He runs off hiding after that since he had his kill needed to win the match. I let 6 minutes pass, then venture out to find him, knowing that the PVPEC event committee, and everyone else in the rankings were watching the match. I find him, based up, in a small corner, I had a few inspirations I popped, tried a base break. No dice, got him to about half health and was stunned by his tornado. I prettymuch called the match right there.

What should I have done? Should I have fought the Rad/Psy that I could have probably beaten if I believed in my abilities? I do play my character better than most, and have impressed alot in my ability to pick it up so quickly. I kept thinking to myself, laying in bed, unable to sleep.. feeling like I’ve cheated myself out of an opportunity.. What if I had turned on the other Rad/Psy and spammed my full attack chain, killed him within the last 30 seconds of the match, leaving him unable to recover? He would have still advanced.. Just, not in 1st position. I gave that honor to someone that had exploited my guild in the arena before. Using a cheap tactic that ensured them a definate win. I cheated myself, and anyone that wears the tag I bear. I feel horrible. What if I had told my team leader to reset the arena map and start over when he requested to? I would have possibly rolled a better map, something I could have atleast played better to my advantage, giving him less spots to hide and lure me to.

I am going to find that rad/psy, even if I can’t make it worth the credit in the PVPEC, I want a rematch.

I asked my friend today ‘have you ever wished things existed under different circumstances?’ Sometimes I often ask myself this. What could be different if situations warranted change? How would I act? How would I expect my friends to act? I don’t want things to end because of losing hope. Am I doing something wrong?

I spent the better part of tonight grilling outside and enjoying some relaxing breezes, I really like living on the canyon.

I actually missed bar-b-queuing with my boss this weekend, would have been great to get out of the valley. I should have showed up Friday night, but I got caught up doing other things around here. The LA heat can really be dealt with only by cold, clean beer and shade. Sucks too because I picked up some nice steaks Thursday night. Oh well, lets see what next weekend brings.

I am still trying to decide which tattoo to get. I am currently leaning towards a Koi that will stretch from my lower right side to my hip/lower back. Something along these lines, but in just black outline with orange coloring.. Koi have always been fish I’ve admired. Stupid and complacent, yet elegant to everyone’s view. I have been fighting myself over what to get, it was either going to be the Koi or a guardian angel on my side. This tattoo would be something that will cover at least 50% of my lower right hand side under my arm. I also want something to be tribute to my late grandmother, just haven’t thought much into it.

On a higher note, I’ve been talking with a friend I’ve known for well over a year much more now. I get along great with them and I have actually returned to smiling. Most of the conversation is just small talk and questions, but there have been deeper conversations. Nothing too serious as of yet, but I will have to see where it takes me. I will say this though, I have more respect for this person than I have for anyone else in a very long time. Not just respect for what they have been through, but for what they are.

I am officially closing my MySpace account. I am tired of the ad’s and the fake accounts sending me spam messages. Not to mention I don’t really want my account hacked like alot of my friends have experienced. I will be moving to Facebook exclusively, incase anyone reading has an account you can look me up there dave at dave2k dot org is my email address. This is following a post that was made by an old co-worker that pointed out the security flaws and blatant disregard towards their members. Hey Ben, if you read this, let me know the next time you’re performing and I will head out to see your show. From what others have said its pretty entertaining.

I will post more tomorrow, going to see if I cant get out of this Ambien routine.

$29.99 + $5.00 shipping for 2 pairs. Apparently they’re rated pretty nice. Here is a link to the discussion on the headphones.

I’ll post up a review when I get them.

http://www.woot.com/Forums/ViewPost.aspx?PostID=1270103